Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
“The queen who goes looking to a mirror for answers to her own worth, ends up becoming a slave to her own unworthiness. We must step bravely into the reflection of ourselves, and remember the awe of who we are. ”
Photo credit: @kalah.hill via @jennaduffy, 2020
This is a story of my own personal mirror-beauty journey, and how I have come to fall in love with myself by looking into the mirror. My intention is to support your self-love and care journey, too, by sharing why and how mirrors can support a healthy, self-beauty perspective, and self-care practice.
Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, termed “mirror work” as setting intentions and loving affirmations while gazing at yourself in the mirror. Having worked with many AIDS victims in the 1980’s across the United States, Hay taught mirror work workshops to allow people the chance to observe their own self-talk, and reclaim their power to heal. To look in the mirror and affirm yourself with positive reinforcement can alter your living reality to one of health and vitality—proving that beauty lies within the eyes, heart, and mind of the beholder. Beauty-care, like mirror work, is an act of supporting your inherent beauty—and a person who can hold a loving gaze upon themselves is truly a beautiful person.
I started my own mirror work when I was six years old. It was introduced to me by my mother as a way for me to focus and come to know myself. Over the last 30 years, it’s been an evolving practice that has taken many shapes. As a child, it was fun to sit and stare into the mirror as I touched, looked, and observed myself. I was told to say things like, “You are beautiful”, and “I love you.” This practice instilled a sense of confidence and self awareness within me that supported my ability to participate with and in the world.
Today, at age 36, my mirror work is a bit quieter and more meditative. I love to eye-gaze for at least five minutes, making eye contact with myself and not looking away—so much comes through for me still. Sometimes, my face shifts into different forms, revealing emotions or attributes that I hadn’t noticed before. When I truly take the time to look at myself in the mirror, a multitude of worlds open up, and I get to pay attention in a curious, no-expectations kind of way—this allows my body to relax and receive myself.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror? When you look in the mirror, how many times do you look yourself in the eyes? And how often are you looking at yourself in the eyes and affirming your beauty?
Photo credit: @kalah.hill via @jennaduffy, 2020
I always think about the first human who saw their own reflection. I imagine it was in some body of water. The shock and discovery of Self must have been exhilarating—blood pumping through their veins as they first discovered themselves with curiosity and wonder. Maybe the touching of their face with a closer look unfolded a beautiful self-love story. It must have been a magical moment, one that some of us get to witness within children who discover their reflection for the first time.
I wonder where along the way from that moment, humanity lost the magic of our reflection. Why did we stop seeing our reflections as gifts, and begin criticizing every wrinkle, scar, hair, and pore? When did we stop seeing and appreciating the beauty and gift of seeing ourselves? We’ve relinquished our power to the mirror, and now we seem to ask ourselves, “Who is the fairest of them all?”
The mirror has become a façade of perfectionism, critique, and comparison. This superficial reflection has skewed our standard of beauty. In this disconnect, many of us have forgotten our own uniqueness—a uniqueness that authenticates Beauty. We have disengaged with the truth of ourselves and replaced it with images that are so far removed from us that we don’t recognize our own reflection when we see it.
To reclaim Beauty means one must look at themselves—and truly see, feel, and believe in their Beauty. When you are confronted by your own reflection, what do you see? Can you gaze upon your face with care and loving attention? Reclaiming sovereignty and welcoming whole means that we truly see ourselves—and when we are truly seeing, we are free.
The queen who goes looking to a mirror for answers to her own worth, ends up becoming a slave to her own unworthiness. We must step bravely into the reflection of ourselves, and appreciate the awe of who we are—remembering that our diverse reflections make up the rich and resilient ecosystem of beauty on this planet.
The practice of mirror work can take as little as five minutes a day—a practice in receptivity. How well can you receive your own gaze, your own words of affirmation, and accept your own Beauty? Mirror work may feel unfamiliar or awkward—and that’s OK. Stepping outside the confines of the status quo may feel unusual, and reclaiming your beautiful Self and it’s reflection may take some getting used to.
Next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself, “I love you,” and know that you are rewriting history. Trust that your act of self-love and self-regard influences our perception and reality of Beauty. New habits take 40 days to integrate—commit to those 40 days of self-love talk in the mirror and observe how your reflection changes along the way. Thank yourself for being a unique reflection in our collective and inherent Beauty.
Mirror Work: 40-Day Applied Practice
Set an intention and affirmation that you will commit to for 40 days. Intentions can be simple as, “I am worthy of my love,” or “I see the beauty of myself everyday.”
Gaze into the mirror and say aloud your affirmation. Repeat the affirmation for at least three minutes a day, making eye contact while gazing at yourself in the mirror.
Keep a journal about your process and your journey through this mirror work practice. Allow yourself to be open to self-discovery.
What emotions come up when you are looking into the mirror and repeating your affirmation?
Where do you feel these emotions in your body?
How would you describe what you’re feeling?
Are there any changes that you notice within your felt experience before and after doing the mirror work?
Has there been any shifts in your personal, physical, or professional life since starting the mirror work?
Do you perceive any changes in your self-confidence or awareness since starting this practice?
After your first 40 days, choose another affirmation you’d like to work with, and continue the process. Allow this practice to naturally become a part of your self-care rituals.
Have fun, get creative, and invite your friends and loved ones along for the journey. Sharing this work within your community and relationships is another way to affirm and hold yourself accountable in your process.
Kalah Hill is a Love Child, Freedom Doula, Pleasure Activist, and Receptivity Alchemist who facilitates change and freedom. Using pleasure as an access point to your liberation, Kalah supports you in exploring and receiving your desires. Reclaim your freedom with Kalah, In Pleasure We Trust, and follow her journey @kalah.hill.