Embracing Your Sexual Power
“Many of us are raised with little awareness about pleasure and our sexuality... The lack of awareness with sexual preferences, desires, and cravings creates a culture of women who are sexually disempowered and oppressed. ”
Photo credit: @kalah.hill
Over the past four years of my practice, I’ve had many women come to me with a lot of shame around their sexuality. These women have shared their deep desire to become sexually alive and awake in their bodies—but felt shameful for having such desires. They all felt that something was missing from their lives—their full, unencumbered sexual expression. Unfortunately, these women are not alone—many of my clients have come to me with similar stories of sexual oppression and timidness. While the details of each woman’s experience may be different, the common theme of sexual shame remains consistent—and this shame leads to sexual disempowerment and prevents sexual desires being actualized.
One client, Rebecca, came to me about a specific longing. Rebecca and her husband had been together for 18 years. She’d been with him from the age of 22, and grew into her womanhood while being with him. Their sex life was seemingly fine to her husband, but Rebecca was not being honest about her (dis)satisfaction. For the majority of their relationship, sex for Rebecca was substandard. As she matured into her own skin and self-awareness, she realized she desired softer, slower, and more fluid physical intimacy. To her, sex was something she performed for her husband, it wasn’t an act of her own enjoyment. We our work together so Rebecca could gather up the courage and confidence to speak her truth to her beloved.
Many of us are raised with little awareness about pleasure and our sexuality. As teens, sex education lacks information when it comes to our needs, desires, and sexual pleasure, and we’re then expected to have mature, meaningful sexual relationships as adults. When a woman is not aware or embodied in her own sexuality, she has no compass. The lack of awareness with sexual preferences, desires, and cravings creates a culture of women who are sexually disempowered and oppressed.
In order to begin reclaiming your sexuality, you must start with self-awareness, the process of getting to know yourself intimately. Rebecca had to start with herself first—I provided her with self-pleasure practices, and guidance to level-up her sexual relationship with herself. Many of us forget that we are first, and foremost, in a sexual relationship with ourselves, and this sexual relationship with Self is the key to our sexual empowerment. Rebecca had to understand that if her own sexual relationship with Self was not fulfilling, it would be near impossible to fully express and achieve sexual fulfillment with her husband.
When initiating an honest and trusting sexual relationship with Self, it is important to approach the practice with no expectations. Sex and sexuality is a natural expression that should never be forced. The truest form of sexuality is a fluid, natural state of being that is expressed when one is relaxed, safe, and secure within themselves and their environment. Sexuality is precious, it’s a form of expression to be treated with care, to be cultivated with grace, and to be surrendered with faith. Maintaining intimacy with your sexuality requires one to move without conformity, but with authenticity. To feel without judgement or fear, and to be open-hearted about your desires.
Photo credit: @kalah.hill
After several months of working together, Rebecca shared she had one of the best orgasms of her life—in her own self-pleasure practice, she patiently and slowly embraced her body, allowing herself an hour of gentle touch and tenderness. She was glowing with confidence as she shared her experience, expressing her desires. She’d become new woman. Her posture was poised, her voice was clear, and her eyes more open and awake. This was the result of a woman who had reclaimed her sexuality, and orgasmed herself into her full Self. This was exactly the way she wanted to feel with her husband, and she was ready to share with him.
This was Rebecca’s journey, and so many of my other clients have similar discoveries as they reclaim their power by embracing their own sexuality. Sex is the origin of life on this planet, and it’s through our sexuality that we create new life. It is potent and powerful energy, that when removed, hidden, or shamed away, will slowly fade away the light within us, and remove us from our inherent power.
Rebecca recently revealed to her husband the truth of her sexual needs and desires in the bedroom. To her surprise, he was receptive, and they’ve both been working on communicating more—both inside and outside of their bedroom. She’s optimistic about fully expressing her sexual desires with him as he’s been shifting his bedroom behaviors and asking her more questions. It is a sweet and powerful love story.
Rebecca is now more confident and trusting in her relationship with Self and her husband, and the dynamics of her sex life allows her full sexual expression. And this sexual confidence has begun to impact other areas of Rebecca’s life—she’s gained confidence as a mother, a businesswoman, and she is glowing with embodied brilliance, and new life force full of inspiration.
Rebecca’s story is like so many of ours. In her willingness to seek support and guidance, she has opened herself to a new way of being in this world. A world where she can fully express her sexuality and desires, share honestly with her partner, and give hope to those seeking inspiration. The path of sexual empowerment begins with you and your self-exploration—you must come into a space that feels whole and complete in sexual aliveness with Self. When done in practice, playfulness, and authenticity, we will discover our raw, sexual power, creating a memory bank of embodied cues that guide how much, at what pace, and how often. This awakened sexuality will allow you to step into your power—in pleasure, we most definitely trust.
Kalah Hill is a Love Child, Freedom Doula, Pleasure Activist, and Receptivity Alchemist who facilitates change and freedom. Using pleasure as an access point to your liberation, Kalah supports you in exploring and receiving your desires. Reclaim your freedom with Kalah, In Pleasure We Trust, and follow her journey @kalah.hill.